A LIFE THAT IS "SAVED" IN ORDER TO SAVE
"This is my body which will be given up for you. This is my blood which will be shed for you and for the many."
A relative of mine who was Methodist and then turned Baptist once asked me: "Are you saved?" I was taken aback because that's not part of the regular discourse of Catholics. But the question is a valid one and needs to be answered.
My answer is: I have been saved for Jesus has already paid my ransom. That is why he is my redeemer. I hope to be saved. One day I hope to be with him forever in heaven. But today he is saving me. In my heart there is the battle between sin and grace, between good and evil. Jesus is there offering me both forgiveness and healing.
It has been a long time since I have confessed. I can count five or six years. Basically I have not been able to certain decisions that would make my confession meaningful. Perhaps I am ready now. Jesus has been extending his hand to me for so long and he has not taken it back. I am ready now to take his hand.
Jesus does not only offer me his forgiveness. He also offers me healing. Consequently the salvation he offers me is complete.
Jesus, I am weak-willed. Make me strong. Jesus, I am selfish. Make me generous. Jesus, I have poor self-esteem. Let me see myself as you see me. Jesus, I am fearful. Make me courageous. Jesus, I easily get upset. Give me equanimity.
But my faith is not strong enough. I do not have the faith that will enable you to grant me healing. Jesus, I believe. Strengthen my unbelief!
We are called to be holy as God is holy. But I don't dare talk of holiness. It feels so far beyond my reach. Let me just pray for reconciliation and the grace to overcome those defects that prevent me from being that kind of person according to your heart.
A LIFE THAT REMEMBERS
Do this in memory of me. Not only what he has done (life, death & resurrection) but he himself.
The Mass should be a moment when I bring to my awareness Jesus Christ, what he has done for me and who he is for me.
But the Mass should be the high point of the remembering that I should be doing throughout the day.
I set my watch to beep every hour. The beep invites me to remember Jesus.
The chapel is just around the corner. The visit to the Blessed Sacrament is a longer period of time to remember Jesus.
The morning devotion and the evening devotion is longer stretch of time to keep him in mind. I keep the morning devotion. But it is the evening devotion that I have not kept. Since October I have not showed up for our evening rendezvous. I have let other things take my time and attention.
That evening devotion seems to be crucial because having lost touch with him every evening, I have discovered to my dismay that I have also lost touch with myself and with who I am.
Jesus, I do need the self-discipline to pray once more every evening.
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