The Family

The Holy Family is not celebrated on a Sunday this year. It is celebrated on a weekday (December 30).

Here are some of thoughts about family and family life.

There are about 8 million Overseas Filipino Workers today. The upside of this phenomenon are: it keeps the economy afloat; a strong peso; and money for the family. But the downside is the weakening and even the breaking up of the family. Hence, the situation where one or both of the parents work abroad and the children are left behind under the care of one parent or of a relative should not persist for a long period of time.

My brother who works in the US has made it a priority to get his wife and children with him. He will be able to fulfill this priority by the first quarter of next year. He misses them. But more than that he realizes that his children are growing up and he must be part of their growing up years.

A young man shared with me this sad reality. Whenever his Dad returns from work abroad for vacation, he realizes that he can't carry on a conversation with him. Not because he doesn't want to, but because they do not know enough of each other to have a common topic to talk about.

Even when the child understands why the his parents have to be away, the emotional pain remains. Another young man said that his father is a captain of a ship. He was not there during significant moments in his life. He understands that he can't be present because of the nature of his job. But still, he says, I missed him in those moments.

Being acquainted with the school context, I have seen many instances where students with disciplinary or academic problems also have one or both parents working outside of the country. The correlation can not be ignored. Of course, these same students may still have these problems even with both parents around, but the difference is that the parents are here to deal with the situation in loving and firm manner.

The presence of parents then is important. But mere physical presence is not enough. If a parent is emotionally distant, he or she becomes an absent presence. Many fathers are an absent presence. But there are indications that this is changing as fathers become more involved in the raising of their children. They are no longer just providers. Even TV advertisements are becoming aware of this. An ad about diapers have fathers, not mothers, in it.

No matter how hard parents try, they are bound to fail in some way. They are, after all, imperfect. They can not hope to do it right all the time. But if after having done their best and their children do not turn out the way they hoped for, they shouldn't blame themselves saying, "Where did I go wrong?" Perhaps, they did not do anything wrong. Perhaps, it is their children who finally decided to take that path that is wrong.